I suspect his spirits have been crushed since his death.
No father likes to think his child might be as ill as he was.
My father was on us for everything as a teenager, so my husband and I found it hard to talk about difficult things during our early years together.
We became like tightrope walkers, bouncing between being vocal about what we were feeling and avoiding anger or blame.
I can't help thinking about my father and whether his spirit is tormented by his lasting image of him. Will he have anything to say to us about our relationship?
I know I may be thinking about my late husband's spirit and sad that he doesn't exist now, but it's important for me to have a calm honest conversation with my husband about the love I miss about him. I hope he doesn't feel I'm looking for an explanation.
My husband and I found it hard to talk about difficult things during our early years together, writes Bel Mooney
I realise my husband must have felt the same about his father. Our love affair was a work in progress.
I was worried about the toll his late father's shortcomings had taken on him, but still, I think you're right to look for a fuller story about why his ghost exists.
You say your husband had a huge crush on your father.
Maybe the love you're finding now with him is fuelled by the desire to set the wrongs right.
But you're not around the next generation and you don't know whether your husband will get on with his own father.
In any case, your marriage is stronger than you think it is - plus it's your choice how to handle the anniversary.
This one should be about recognition and understanding, though you may be given a chance to reassure him.
You have gone through so much and, with the support of people you trust, you may well manage to move on.
Don't push the issue too far.
We'll be celebrating what you did have.
Bel answers readers' questions on emotional and relationship problems each week.
If you have a dilemma, send a brief email to [email protected]